His Only Flaw
by Nerva al'Thor
Summary: (One-shot; Complete) (KanameZero FLUFF) How does one try to cook salt broth ramen and instead blow up the house?


**His Only Flaw**

Kaname watched Seiren ride the taxi after he helped her put her luggage into the trunk. She was going on a months' vacation to her hometown, in a country in the Far East side of the world, approximately 24 hours' trip aboard the World Train. Things had been quiet with just the two of them, as it always was when Zero was away in an extended and complicated hunt. At first Kaname saw no problem with allowing Seiren to avail of her month off at that time, because Zero was due to return anyway within two days' time, and Kaname was fine being alone.

That was, until he realized that Zero almost always came home hungry after a hunt, and he couldn't cook worth a damn.

"…"

Kaname thought about reaching for the cellphone in his pocket and asking Seiren to come back and postpone her trip until at least Zero came home, but that was quite low, and Seiren deserved the break more than anyone.

The easiest solution to his dilemma would have been to buy takeout or call delivery before Zero went home, but something told Kaname that it was about time he tried his hand at cooking, despite the fact that he and a kitchen were a volatile combination.

Sometimes, even purebloods had the stupidest ideas on the planet.

Squaring his shoulders, Kaname decided to take a trip to his favorite bookstore by the human town nearby, and buy himself a cartload of cookbooks.

* * *

He brought twenty cookbooks in total, going for Spanish, Japanese, French, Italian and Thai cuisines as subjects. Kaname had been thoroughly convinced he could handle cooking now; after all, he was ten thousand years old, and for someone as old as he was, if he wasn't able to overcome this one flaw anytime soon, then he hadn't the right to live. Seriously, though, a ten thousand year old who couldn't cook? He was probably the greatest embarrassment of the entire vampire race and all of the purebloods who ever lived.

Zero loved shio ramen. Kaname was poring over the page with pinpoint concentration, intently studying the recipe.

_4 lbs. pork bones_

_4 tbsp. Salt_

_Fresh ramen noodles, boiled and drained_

_Japanese braised pork_

_Hard-boiled eggs boiled in char siu marinade_

_Dried bamboo shoots, soaked, boiled and drained _

_Chopped scallions_

_Nori_

Well, the thing looked easy to do. Kaname decided he would cook the ramen a day earlier, just enough for himself to eat, so he could get the hang of it and decide if he'd seasoned it enough. He wanted to surprise Zero. The hunter would love it.

* * *

The day before Zero's arrival, Kaname woke up early and went to the grocery to get the things he'd need for the ramen. He was in high spirits during the morning, and even the snow that fell from the sky did little to dampen his cheer. He even whistled as he took the long walk back to their house. He was convinced he was going to make the most delicious ramen Zero would ever eat in his entire life.

Later in the kitchen, Kaname dutifully got all of the shiny cooking utensils that heretofore only Seiren and Zero were allowed to touch and use. The two knew he was totally lost in the kitchen and wouldn't even let him anywhere near anything, except perhaps the fridge. Kaname felt insulted at that. He couldn't even get the nutcracker himself if he needed it. He wasn't handicapped, for chissakes!

The slicing and chopping of the vegetables and meat went easily. The marinading of the pork for char siu also went along smoothly.

But that was just about it.

When Kaname put the marinated pork into a bowl to bake in the oven for thirty minutes, there went things into a downward spiral.

Actually, Kaname wasn't even sure _what_ exactly he'd done wrong. He'd put the meat in the oven for baking and he went to the bathroom to take a pee, and he was still in the toilet minding his own business when the kitchen exploded.

Things happened too fast, even for him.

The next thing he knew, he was standing outside their house, watching as the flames ate up everything.

Human firefighters responded quickly and after checking if he was okay, they set out to contain the fire.

As Kaname stood there struck dumb as they scrambled to put out the flames, he realized that he had lost their house, all of their clothes, their car and Zero's favorite bicycle, and that when Zero came back tomorrow, hungry and tired and wanting a good rest for his hard work, there would be no house to have him welcome, no bed, no favorite pillow, and most importantly no food.

Kaname felt the pit of his stomach disappear.

* * *

He found himself at the local hotel, traumatized, sitting down in silence on the bed of his rented suite. The fire razed all of their important documents too. On a side note, it was good they kept their fortune in banks. And Kaname had his wallet in his back pocket.

He felt his phone vibrate, and when he checked who sent him a message, the dread in his guts increased when he saw Zero's name on his screen.

_On my way home. I miss you._

In other situations the message would have made him smile, and he would've sent a reply saying he missed Zero too and that he loved him and that he looked forward to the hunter's return, but at that moment, Kaname's fingers did not find the strength to type a reply.

* * *

One could imagine Zero Kiryuu's confusion, shock and then fury when he alighted from his taxi and found nothing but a burned crater on the spot where his house had been. He had been stressed for the last month, and he missed his bed and his favorite blanket and pillow and Seiren's awesome pork buns, and he came home to this, where was Kaname, that goddamn—

Kaname.

Oh, sweet Jesus, no.

Kaname wasn't replying to his texts. Perhaps the all caps messages scared the pureblood off. Zero had to call twenty times before the pureblood decided he couldn't avoid his husband forever.

"Hey, Zero."

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Zero all but shouted. "WHERE THE FUCK DID THE HOUSE GO?!"

"…I'm sorry."

"YOU'RE SORRY?! **THE. HOUSE. IS. GONE**. WHAT THE HELL-!"

"Please don't shout, I already feel bad without you adding to it. I'm at the hotel downtown."

Kaname's soft voice quelled his anger a little. Ending the call rather rudely, Zero picked up his backpack and walked to the town.

* * *

"Explain."

It was the only word Zero said as he stood before Kaname, his arms crossed as he tried his hardest not to strangle his lover.

"I tried to cook," Kaname said as he kept his gaze down on the carpet. "I know you love shio ramen, and I tried to cook."

A tiny part in Zero felt fluffy and bubbly at the idea of that, but the greater part of him was positively yelling DEATH MURDER PILLAGELOOTSACKBURNLOOKACOIN inside his head. He bit the inside of his cheek furiously.

"Kaname, how the fuck can one try cook ramen and _blow up a house_?"

"I don't know."

Zero let his backpack drop to the floor as he threw his hands up and shook his head.

"Look. I don't want to see your face right now, so I'm going for a drink and I'm going to get sloshed to kingdom come. Don't bother looking for me."

He left.

* * *

Kaname felt depressed. Once Zero said he didn't want to see his face, it took a long time before the hunter would actually go home. He knew better than to push his luck, so he stayed at the hotel and tried to sleep the horrible day away.

The next morning during a Board of Directors meeting at the Kuran Group corporate tower, he was out of it, distracted and staring ahead, not really hearing Hanabusa Aidou's reports regarding newly acquired assets.

"Hey, Hanabusa, what do you do if you destroy a house?"

Everyone present at the long table stared at him.

"Erm? I'd…I guess I'd build a new house, Master Kaname."

That was it. Kaname's vision cleared, and suddenly Aidou was enveloped with his golden halo and there were rose petals raining down on him from the ceiling.

"That's it!"

Kaname rose and gave the blonde noble a hug.

"Thank you!"

When he let go and promptly walked out of the meeting, a plan had already formed in his mind. Hanabusa Aidou, not expecting any sort of physical contact with his worshipped pureblood, fainted the minute Kaname released him and he crumpled on the upholstered floor, stars in his eyes.

* * *

In his terribly long life, Kaname Kuran was proud to say that he had tried all the possible jobs the world had to offer, including the less than moral ones, but he never told anyone about those, not even Seiren. Sometime during his 800th year, such a long time ago, he'd worked in a construction site that gave rise to a five-star hotel. He knew how to build; he never forgot it, and he was determined to put things to right and apologize to Zero as best as he could.

He built the house by himself, and by himself meant an army of his alters. He finished the building in a month, and he was proud of the work he'd done. Everything looked the same, from the chimney to the last door knob.

He broke the silence first, sending Zero a text asking him to come home, please. Zero didn't reply, but Kaname was sure he got the message.

* * *

Despite himself, Zero was impressed with the new house that now stood where their former home stood. Kaname was sitting by the porch, holding a rose in a pot.

He came to stand an arm's length away, and Kaname held out the potted rose to him. Zero grunted and took the pot, plant and flower.

"Built it yourself, huh?" he asked.

Kaname nodded.

Zero took a moment to sniff the single red rose growing out of the small bush in the pot he held in his hands.

"Am I forgiven?" Kaname asked.

"Only if you promise to never, _ever_ step into the kitchen again."

"I can do that."

"Good."

Zero raised an eyebrow as the pureblood hesitated.

"Can I have a kiss, at least?" Kaname asked.

_"No."_

Zero scowled and went inside the house, and Kaname, sighing, followed him.

The hunter would forgive him eventually. He could wait.


End file.
